Realistic dating expectations

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If we expect to feel known and understood, attractive and attracted, to never be lonely, to never look at anyone else, to never have doubts, and for our partners to magically make our lives emotionally full and logistically easy, we are in for a rude awakening.

Personally, I’d rather be a partner to someone with slightly lower expectations than that.

You are no more immune to breaking up than anyone else.

We all need to start seeing ourselves as vulnerable, rather than exceptional.

I have a lot of folks come to see me either feeling horribly guilty that they fantasize about people other than their partner, or horribly offended that their partner looks at other people with sexual interest.

The part of our brains that finds other humans sexually and romantically appealing doesn’t die off when we commit to someone.

If we are expecting this, we will be more able to weather that storm.

The fantasy that if we are with the perfect person, our relationship will be easy, and that everything in our lives will fall into place is actually damaging to our chances of sticking out a long-term partnership.

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This does not mean we don’t love our partners or are dissatisfied in any way. I’m currently training to be a sex therapist, and I can’t believe the number of people who talk to me about sex once they find that out.Try being open with your partner about your fantasies, celebrity crushes, and even your real-life temptations.This way you can bring them out in the open, joke about them, bring them into the bedroom and role play them, or in some cases possibly decide to open up your relationship.I believe that in relationships, we are doomed to fail each other in some ways no matter what.That is the nature of human relationships, because it is the nature of human beings. But if we expect a flawed partner and flawed partnership, it’s a lot easier to manage the disappointment when those flaws become apparent than if we have been expecting “happily ever after” to be literal.

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